Ok. Today I went to ACS (Army Community Services) and met with the budget counselor. We started out by talking briefly about why I was there in which I replied "I need documentation from you showing that I can support my family P.A. (post Army - my humor since the Army is full of acronyms). She said that would be fine but first she would like to show me how my family could live on Army pay. So, I handed her the detailed budget that I had already submitted for my hardship consideration...
She looked at it briefly and stated "You're spending too much on groceries". For the record, I'll state that our grocery budget is approx $1,100 per month which includes diaper expense. I estimate that our true grocery expense per month without diapers is $800 to $900 per month.
After having her look at my budget a little more and talking with her she exclaimed that "Your wife is bankrupting your family" and "She is the cause of your financial problems". It wouldn't be proper to tell anyone what was going through my mind at this point. My thoughts only worsened when she further exclaimed that "For a family your size, if you're spending more than $500 per month on groceries (without diapers) you're spending too much". I laughed hoping that would hide the true thoughts in my mind. However, I did say "WHAT DO YOU EXPECT US TO LIVE ON??? MACARONI AND CHEESE!!! (I think I said it using that same tone of voice) She said "No, but you're living too extravagantly". I fervently tried to explain to her that my wife was a very frugal shopper and that we use warehouse clubs and buy in bulk. I also explained that we do like to eat healthily and buy fresh fruit and vegetables instead of hamburger helper (which we possibly eat 4 times per year) and macaroni (that we eat more often but usually for lunch and really not that often).
In her defense, the budget counselor did say we could use WIC which would provide approximately $200 per month towards our grocery bill. Her opinion that our grocery budget should not be more than $500 per month was without regard to WIC or no WIC.
The icing on the cake of this meeting was probably when she told me "I'm not here to judge anyone and if that's how you choose to live, it's fine". Ha, I thought! You've already convicted my wife of bankrupting the family and further disparaged my experience as a financial planner
(which she knew from the papers I had given to her). The cherry was when she said that "If she were my financial planner she would call baloney (not the word she actually used) on my whole budget and that I purposefully inflated it". She then proceeded to question my integrity and ability as a financial planner and said she "worried for my clients".
It's all ok because she kept stating "I'm not here to judge anyone..."
Now the good news. She ultimately did write a recommendation for discharge based on financial reasons as she acknowledged that overall we probably could not live on Army pay. If everything I mentioned above (and more) is the price I have to pay, it's worth it.
Now for the meeting with my battalion Chaplain. He is a nice enough fellow and as I stated in earlier conversations but...
I had to get a memorandum of support from him which I did. However, after getting the statement but before I left his office I asked him if he knew how the hardship discharge process works. He replied that he didn't but proceeded to tell me that "There was a battalion training meeting yesterday and that my name really didn't come up". He further told me that "In these meetings they usually deal with important stuff like war and death, things that are important to the military". I looked at the man and said that "My family is important to me". We shook hands and I left.
For the record I want to tell my wife and everyone else that I KNOW my wife is a wise and frugal shopper. I'm sure we could possibly shave some money on groceries but not enough to make up the $1,400 per month income shortfall from the Army. Honey - you're not bankrupting the family and I think you're doing a great job. Keep up the good work! I love you.
I want to add that I'm trying to not be frustrated at the budget counselor and that not all of our conversation when badly. At one point she said that she thinks any women taking care of six little children is a "goddess" and that she regrets only having one child. She also said she would not have more since she is in her early forties. I tried to encourage her by saying that I know a family that had a surprise son in their mid forties and they also adopted a daughter. I'm not sure that she was encouraged.
Another highlight is when she said that she admires the licenses that I hold for securities and insurance along with my experience and that she would like to become more proficient in those areas. She told me she would love to have me stay in the Army if only to help counsel soldiers on savings and investments. I thought those things were very nice. I think that I'll pray for her.
With the last words I want to challenge my wife. If you could cut our core grocery budget from $850 (my best guess of the average without diapers) to only $500 per month, I'll take you on a great vacation to Puerto Rico, Cancun or anywhere else you'd like to go after 4 months of coming close to the mark. Remember though, we can't eat hamburger helper and macaroni three times a day!
Heck, why shouldn't I take my wife on a vacation? She has certainly earned it and I would reap the benefit too.
