One of many great questions that the kids ask. Even better than that are their prayers. Levi has a routine prayer that he like to pray. He likes to "pray fast". He recites his prayer so quickly that to me it is totally incomprehensible.' Thankfully, I memorized this prayer of his when he used to "pray slow". It goes like this... Thank you for me, Michaelyn, Chloe, Lilija Gideon and Gabriel James. Thank you for Dad and Mom. Thank you for Christopher, Harmony and Dustin, Larry and Gramma Vivian. Please help us and them. And thank you for mom's headache to go away. Amen."
I think that the reference to my headache is from after my wisdom tooth extraction. I had a lovely bruise on my face and I must have complained about all of the pain that I was in. Levi referred to my bruise as my headache. Praise God, the bruise has been gone for about 5 weeks and we are still thankful!
Lately he has added some whipped cream to the top of his sweet prayers. It goes something like this... "And thank you that Dad can be out of the Army. And that he doesn't have to go to Germany." Kids really know how to pray.
So far, God has not answered this prayer with a yes. We are in a feeble and human way trying to put all of our faith and hope in Him. We know that this is not difficult for God and yet we will keep Him in His place as God and allow Him (as if we could stop Him) to do according to His will.
Please pray for our hearts to remain soft. Please pray for us to give God our lonely broken hearts. His word says that He is near to the brokenhearted. Please pray that I will learn to become a true Christian to my children (i.e. model and possess some of the character and love that I daily lecture them about). Please pray that we will be reunited again soon and that God will break the contract that we, regretfully, entered into.
Also, please keep our friends Andrew and Cassidy Harper in your prayers. Andrew is deployed in Iraq and he and Cassidy will be apart for Christmas. Please pray for their safety and that the days for them will pass very quickly.
God Bless you
Monday, December 10, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Being a mother of six is a big job...
Being a mother of six is a big job. At the end of each day I am covered from head to toe with laundry lint, smudged kisses, spit up, dried cereal, muddy shoe prints, splatter from cooking dinner, crusty nose slime, diaper pins, phonics flash cards, whiny kids, ketchup, dust bunnies, peanut butter, sweat and tears, and coffee stains (for my sanity). I smell funny too. I cannot handle this job alone, at the end of each day my husband is covered with “the bacon”, paper cuts, hug prints, baby shampoo, tooth paste, missing baby socks, “why Daddy?s”, bills, motor oil, grass clippings, smudged kisses, and coffee stains (for his sanity). He smells too, just a little better than me.
It is such a blessing to have my husband at home. He has worked very hard to complete to paperwork for the Dependency Discharge. Praise God! It was submitted today. We are praying for a quick approval. This would definitely be a miracle. Well, if not a miracle, it is highly improbable (at least according to Michael's Commander). I thank God for all of you for your prayers. I am so humbled and blessed that you have brought our needs before the Lord.
We are also very grateful that so many friends wrote letters to accompany our letters. During Michael's absence, I was unaware of the huge burden that I was under. It was only about a week after michael returned that I felt the relief of the weight that I had been under. While he was gone, I didn't see the impact of this on my appearance. I don't think that I mutated* (see note below) into something sci-fi or anything, but to those who know me, I looked stressed (or worse). When I was first reviewing the supporting letters, I was too emotional to read them. I had totally spent myself to try to take care of all of the affairs at home. I couldn't handle it. I failed. I knew it was true, but I did not want to accept it.
I am coming to grips with my failure. Michael has reassured me again and again that I did not fail. I know that it is true. Everything fell apart on my watch. One day I was especially discouraged about it...
Let me back up a little. Last year I read a book called The Lies Women Believe, and the Truth that Sets Them Free. I decided to write down some of the lies that I believe and then write the truth beneath it. Example Lie - "I have a right to be angry" Truth - "He that is slow to anger is better than the might, and he that rules his spirit than he that takes a city" Proverbe 16:32. I have several of these posted conspicuously in my house. Back to my story...
I was having a really hard moment and Michael found me hiding in the girls' bedroom and brought me a note that said this: Lie - "I failed my family while my husband was away" Truth - "I was not designed to manage my family alone. My husband has complete trust and faith in me. He believes that I am doing a great job."
So, I now believe, I did the best that I could (not perfect, just my best). All of my best efforts did not accomplish all of the tasks that needed done. No one can do it alone. God carried me. I think that this is why I did not feel the burden that I was carrying. God carried me, by his grace, the gut level tear-filled prayers of us and our dearest friends and family. I know that God is gracious and compassionate. There were times that I didn't even pray. I just tried to survive. Our God is amazing. It will take eternity and longer to discover and enjoy His limitless pleasures and fullness of joy.
I was a failure. I guess I looked like a failure too. I hope that God was glorified in my weakness.
Sunshine
* (mutated) Every now and again someone will say, "You have six children? (shocked expressions and dropped jaws) Wow you look great!" I don't know what they think. After the 3rd or 4th you start to grow extra limbs, your face becomes permanently deformed, and you drool and shake involuntarily? I am very pleased and relieved to mention that recently I met two women, each of whom have twelve (12) birth children. They are two of the most beautiful and youthful looking moms that I have ever me. Lord, let it be me too! :)
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Not by bread alone
Our joy is great! Michael made it home on Thursday the 23rd of October. His flight arrived an hour later than expected. The children and I arrived to the airport on time which also was unexpected! (We sometimes affectionately refer to ourselves as the Late-merts.) With an hour to spare, we set out to window shop. As a seasoned veteran of parenting a half-dozen, I quickly decided that "window shopping" would turn into "touching" and that it would only get worse from there. We saw a little food court and decided to get a smoothie...
Being the frugal financial genius that I am, I quickly noted that it was a much better deal to order the large size and share, than to order six individual drinks. I knew that just one drink may cause sharing "issues" and opted for two instead. Now, on most days, the Ismert little people can share a beverage and take turns. I had neglected to take into account that it was 8ish pm, and we were all little balls of anticipation to see daddy. Mommy was able to keep the whining and complaining to a minimum, and there was some enforced sharing going on. Part of everyone's frustration was the difficulty of sucking the thick smoothie through the straw. This was compounded by the flattened ends of the straws, due to being bitten by cute little Ismerts. Have you ever tried to drink smoothie through the end of a flattened straw?
Mom to the rescue! We sauntered on over to the bakery counter to add a bit of sugar to the situation. We all picked out a donut, then someone said "I have to go to the bathroom." And then everyone said "I have to go to the bathroom." So, the four walking little people, the two youngest in the double-wide jogger stroller, and I found the nearest restroom. Miraculously, the jogger fit through the doorway. Ten minutes or so later, with empty bladders and freshly washed hands, we found a seat to enjoy our donuts. (I must mention here, that our precious brood of mini-people behaved very well, all things considered.)
Next, we were off to await Daddy's arrival! It was great fun to watch and wait as all of the arriving travelers walked by. We knew that Daddy would arrive at any moment. Excitement filled the air. Michael sent a text message that the plane had landed. Totally out of character for me, I replied "Sorry we are running late. We'll be there as soon as we can." I am sure that I smiled like a cat caught with her hand in the fish bowl. I couldn't hide my delight at feeling so clever. (Michael has to roll his eyes at home as I laugh uncontrollably at my own witty remarks!) When we spotted Michael he was walking while attempting to type a reply message on his cell phone. My little scheme had worked. Surprise! We were there. We spotted him first. The children were ecstatic! Daddy was finally home.
It took a few days after Michael arrived for us all to unwind. I didn't realize how much tension I was feeling while he was gone. I didn't have time to think about it. I had to keep going, no time to really stop and think. I feel so much better now. My mouth has healed quite a bit. (Thank you Jesus!) I don't feel an extra "load" of responsibilities that I am not used to carrying. Michael has let me sleep extra, almost every morning, and I am beginning to feel better rested. My best friend came back. The younger Ismerts seem more at peace. Thank you God for answering our prayer.
I mentioned in an earlier post that Michael may not be able to stay the six weeks that we had planned. After much prayer and attempting to wait out some glitches, God has provided a special duty assignment locally at a recruiting station. Michael gets to stay a while (looks like the full six weeks!) He has been working very diligently, during business hours and sometimes later, to prepare for requesting the Hardship Discharge. (I'll ask Michael to post on that issue). We are praying that God will provide this and spare us a nearly two-year-long separation! Please stand in prayer with us!
There was a time, just before Michael came home that I had lost hope. I had faith in God's ability. I was missing the "substance of things unseen." All of the news from Germany seemed so bad. It was bad. I almost couldn't even pray. I did pray, but I prayed without hope. Thank you so much for praying with me and for me. (Jens, I know that all of those prayers were the only things holding Michael and I and the children up.) Thank you to all for prayers, company, and the endless supply of helpers. Oh, what wonderful helpers! I could not have done it alone. I'm so thankful to God.
5 A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.
6 God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;
But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. Psalm 68:5-6
If it had not been for His word, I would have totally lost heart. This time, like no other in my life, the Psalms were such comfort to me. I truly did not live by bread alone...
Being the frugal financial genius that I am, I quickly noted that it was a much better deal to order the large size and share, than to order six individual drinks. I knew that just one drink may cause sharing "issues" and opted for two instead. Now, on most days, the Ismert little people can share a beverage and take turns. I had neglected to take into account that it was 8ish pm, and we were all little balls of anticipation to see daddy. Mommy was able to keep the whining and complaining to a minimum, and there was some enforced sharing going on. Part of everyone's frustration was the difficulty of sucking the thick smoothie through the straw. This was compounded by the flattened ends of the straws, due to being bitten by cute little Ismerts. Have you ever tried to drink smoothie through the end of a flattened straw?
Mom to the rescue! We sauntered on over to the bakery counter to add a bit of sugar to the situation. We all picked out a donut, then someone said "I have to go to the bathroom." And then everyone said "I have to go to the bathroom." So, the four walking little people, the two youngest in the double-wide jogger stroller, and I found the nearest restroom. Miraculously, the jogger fit through the doorway. Ten minutes or so later, with empty bladders and freshly washed hands, we found a seat to enjoy our donuts. (I must mention here, that our precious brood of mini-people behaved very well, all things considered.)
Next, we were off to await Daddy's arrival! It was great fun to watch and wait as all of the arriving travelers walked by. We knew that Daddy would arrive at any moment. Excitement filled the air. Michael sent a text message that the plane had landed. Totally out of character for me, I replied "Sorry we are running late. We'll be there as soon as we can." I am sure that I smiled like a cat caught with her hand in the fish bowl. I couldn't hide my delight at feeling so clever. (Michael has to roll his eyes at home as I laugh uncontrollably at my own witty remarks!) When we spotted Michael he was walking while attempting to type a reply message on his cell phone. My little scheme had worked. Surprise! We were there. We spotted him first. The children were ecstatic! Daddy was finally home.
It took a few days after Michael arrived for us all to unwind. I didn't realize how much tension I was feeling while he was gone. I didn't have time to think about it. I had to keep going, no time to really stop and think. I feel so much better now. My mouth has healed quite a bit. (Thank you Jesus!) I don't feel an extra "load" of responsibilities that I am not used to carrying. Michael has let me sleep extra, almost every morning, and I am beginning to feel better rested. My best friend came back. The younger Ismerts seem more at peace. Thank you God for answering our prayer.
I mentioned in an earlier post that Michael may not be able to stay the six weeks that we had planned. After much prayer and attempting to wait out some glitches, God has provided a special duty assignment locally at a recruiting station. Michael gets to stay a while (looks like the full six weeks!) He has been working very diligently, during business hours and sometimes later, to prepare for requesting the Hardship Discharge. (I'll ask Michael to post on that issue). We are praying that God will provide this and spare us a nearly two-year-long separation! Please stand in prayer with us!
There was a time, just before Michael came home that I had lost hope. I had faith in God's ability. I was missing the "substance of things unseen." All of the news from Germany seemed so bad. It was bad. I almost couldn't even pray. I did pray, but I prayed without hope. Thank you so much for praying with me and for me. (Jens, I know that all of those prayers were the only things holding Michael and I and the children up.) Thank you to all for prayers, company, and the endless supply of helpers. Oh, what wonderful helpers! I could not have done it alone. I'm so thankful to God.
5 A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.
6 God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;
But the rebellious dwell in a dry land. Psalm 68:5-6
If it had not been for His word, I would have totally lost heart. This time, like no other in my life, the Psalms were such comfort to me. I truly did not live by bread alone...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
He'll be coming o'r the Atlantic when he comes
I guess I should leave room for an "act of God" to alter these plans... It looks like, even now, God is acting especially for us! I just booked a flight for Michael to come home October 25. Praise God!
More to come later.
Sunshine
More to come later.
Sunshine
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Holding my breath
I cannot be sure yet. I don't think you can be sure of anything in the Army unless it has already happened. So I wait. I won't hold my breath. I have been warned against such things many times in my short life. So, what you ask, am I holding, or not holding, my breath for?
Michael may get to come home for leave. I am very hopeful. We still don't have our passports around here. We can't go to Germany without them. I am so excited that he may be home soon. I feel like a bride waiting for her wedding day! Remembering to breathe...
Got to get some sleep now, but I'll keep you posted (pun intended).
Putting my faith and my breath in the Lord,
Sunshine
Wow honey, hurry home! I can hardly wait to see you!
Michael may get to come home for leave. I am very hopeful. We still don't have our passports around here. We can't go to Germany without them. I am so excited that he may be home soon. I feel like a bride waiting for her wedding day! Remembering to breathe...
Got to get some sleep now, but I'll keep you posted (pun intended).
Putting my faith and my breath in the Lord,
Sunshine
Wow honey, hurry home! I can hardly wait to see you!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Feeling a little bruised
On Tuesday, I had my four wisdom teeth pulled. I was a little disappointed to find out that I was unable to take the tranquilizer (Valium) because I am nursing Baby Gabey. It would have been nice to lie back in the chair and not care that I was having teeth extracted. Alas, this was not to be so. When Dr A. gave me the Novocaine injections, I told him that my cheek felt puffy. He said I just "felt" puffy, but I looked fine. He even offered me a hand mirror to reassure me. As I looked I saw that I was in fact puffy. My left cheek had a noticeable bulge near my jaw bone. Dr. A told me that it could be a clogged saliva gland, or a hemangoma ?sp. (that is a big word for ugly bruise). It turned out to be the latter.
Only one of my teeth gave the good dentist much trouble. I can still feel the memory of this particular tooth even now. I expect that I will keep improving and the painful memory of the tooth shall fade. I really hope so. For now, I am thankful to have prescription pain medications to ease my discomfort. Now, as for the discomfort in my heart...
The truth of my husband's whereabouts is really beginning to sink in. I trust that God can reunite us soon. Until then, I am struggling to accept the fact that, today, I cannot see my husband. Today, he cannot come home. Today, my children will get tucked into bed by Mommy. Today, Daddy cannot kiss them. Today, he cannot hold me. Tomorrow, we will carry on without him, with very heavy hearts. All of the foreseeable tomorrows look the same.
Maybe you say... "But you signed up for this. " I say, you are right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Perhaps you reply... "You knew this could happen." I reply, I could scarcely imagine a shadow of it in my mind, but I never realized how sharp and clear it would feel. Suppose you question... "Where is your faith, don't you trust God." I question, surely didn't even our Savior, when facing His glorification, pray to His Father, "Let this cup be taken from me, not my will but yours be done?" Sorrowfully, you implore... "Didn't we try to warn you." I say, surely you did, and we thank you. Thank you for caring, as true friends do. We really did try to seek God's plan. Even if this whole this was done in deafness to God's voice, He still sovereignly allowed it. Please forgive us any hurt or pain this has caused you.
Lord, it is our prayer, that you would take this cup from us. Please spare us this struggle. Lord, please forgive any presumption. This is not the situation that we dreamed it would be. Lord, forgive me for looking at this difficulty and assuming that because it is so hard, that we have acted out of your leading. Perhaps we are exactly where you desired for us to go. God, that is something that I cannot know. Please answer the cries of our heart. Please open our eyes and ears, and show and speak to us your wisdom. Father, I ask for your peace. My petition is for a quick reunion of our family. Thank you for showing us your love that, as a family, we might love one another.
Dear friends, this has been posted by Sunshine. These are my thoughts and my cries. I believe that Michael and I are united in these things. I offer this disclaimer in the event that we may differ. Michael, I offer this for your approval and confirmation.
God bless us, everyone. - Tiny Tim
Only one of my teeth gave the good dentist much trouble. I can still feel the memory of this particular tooth even now. I expect that I will keep improving and the painful memory of the tooth shall fade. I really hope so. For now, I am thankful to have prescription pain medications to ease my discomfort. Now, as for the discomfort in my heart...
The truth of my husband's whereabouts is really beginning to sink in. I trust that God can reunite us soon. Until then, I am struggling to accept the fact that, today, I cannot see my husband. Today, he cannot come home. Today, my children will get tucked into bed by Mommy. Today, Daddy cannot kiss them. Today, he cannot hold me. Tomorrow, we will carry on without him, with very heavy hearts. All of the foreseeable tomorrows look the same.
Maybe you say... "But you signed up for this. " I say, you are right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Perhaps you reply... "You knew this could happen." I reply, I could scarcely imagine a shadow of it in my mind, but I never realized how sharp and clear it would feel. Suppose you question... "Where is your faith, don't you trust God." I question, surely didn't even our Savior, when facing His glorification, pray to His Father, "Let this cup be taken from me, not my will but yours be done?" Sorrowfully, you implore... "Didn't we try to warn you." I say, surely you did, and we thank you. Thank you for caring, as true friends do. We really did try to seek God's plan. Even if this whole this was done in deafness to God's voice, He still sovereignly allowed it. Please forgive us any hurt or pain this has caused you.
Lord, it is our prayer, that you would take this cup from us. Please spare us this struggle. Lord, please forgive any presumption. This is not the situation that we dreamed it would be. Lord, forgive me for looking at this difficulty and assuming that because it is so hard, that we have acted out of your leading. Perhaps we are exactly where you desired for us to go. God, that is something that I cannot know. Please answer the cries of our heart. Please open our eyes and ears, and show and speak to us your wisdom. Father, I ask for your peace. My petition is for a quick reunion of our family. Thank you for showing us your love that, as a family, we might love one another.
Dear friends, this has been posted by Sunshine. These are my thoughts and my cries. I believe that Michael and I are united in these things. I offer this disclaimer in the event that we may differ. Michael, I offer this for your approval and confirmation.
God bless us, everyone. - Tiny Tim
Monday, October 15, 2007
Tired, down, pending 4 tooth extraction, is this a pity party?
It feels like I crashed. Maybe not crashed. More like lost my "edge." Don't get me wrong. Those of you who are closest would probably agree that I didn't have an "edge" to start with. Let me explain.
Sometime during labor (yes men, I mean having a baby) I start to get a little tired. I am not so jovial in between contractions. The mood seems to change. There is tension in the air and I get kind of quiet. Things have intensified and I know from experience that I have to stay focused. You see, I have realized that my pain tolerance is directly related to how I "feel" about the contraction. If I start the contraction thinking... "breath deeply, relax your body, this contraction won't last forever, all things work together for good, soon you'll get to see your baby..." the pain of that contraction doesn't seem so severe. On the other hand, if the previous contraction was particularly difficult, and as the next labor pain begins I think... "Oh no, not another one, I can't do this anymore, this is never going to stop, I'm done, maybe I'll do this another day..." the intensity of the contraction will seem unbearable.
And this is where I am. I lost focus of the prize and the Prize Giver. I have gone from hopeful and trusting to discouraged and failing. I had an awful headache on Thursday following a totally disappointing day on Wednesday, in the midst of a week of tooth pain (I am wisdom-teething), all the while trying to keep it all together without my husband. I am not sure exactly when, but I quit accepting God's grace for each moment and started to place my hope and confidence in tomorrow.
A wise friend reminded me, not so long ago, that "a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again." Prov. 24:16 The falling I am having, the getting up, not so much. Thankfully, God is merciful. Not trusting wholly in God is sin. He is gracious and forgiving. He remembers that we are but dust. He'll forget this transgression and clothe me with Christ's righteousness, once again. I know that He will pick me up, and that because of this "forgetting to trust" that I have done, I will probably (hopefully) stay a little closer to Him.
We are precious to our Maker. We are like silver in the hands of a Master Smith. He holds his silver and although we start out looking like nothing precious, the Master Smith sees the preciousness inside. We are precious because he has called us precious. He uses the fire to bring out the dross, which He skims away with skillful hands. The process may be painful to us, but it is necessary. The goal of the Master is that, in time, he will look into the crucible and see the refined silver. He will peer into this beloved silver without dross and impurities, only to behold His own reflection! This is sanctification. This is glorifying to God.
God makes and uses the fires at hand. (Sometimes I spark, and kindle, and throw in the logs all by myself.) I am not sure whether I feel like Jonah or Job. Jonah was running and Job seemed to just be minding his own business. Either way, the answer and the remedy is the same. A submitted, pure heart before the Lord. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:17
Lord, let my heart be right before you. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for allowing me to see your goodness and your blessings even when I am not seeking you first. Thank you for a darling husband and a bounty of olive branches. I don't deserve any of it. May you be glorified and someday may your reflection be seen in me and in us.
Dear friends, please pray for me. Tomorrow (Tuesday) I'll have my wisdom teeth pulled. I will have a local anesthesia and because I am nursing Gabriel, I will be unable to take anything to deal with anxiety (no Valium). Maybe I'll think of it like a contraction... God bless, good night.
Sometime during labor (yes men, I mean having a baby) I start to get a little tired. I am not so jovial in between contractions. The mood seems to change. There is tension in the air and I get kind of quiet. Things have intensified and I know from experience that I have to stay focused. You see, I have realized that my pain tolerance is directly related to how I "feel" about the contraction. If I start the contraction thinking... "breath deeply, relax your body, this contraction won't last forever, all things work together for good, soon you'll get to see your baby..." the pain of that contraction doesn't seem so severe. On the other hand, if the previous contraction was particularly difficult, and as the next labor pain begins I think... "Oh no, not another one, I can't do this anymore, this is never going to stop, I'm done, maybe I'll do this another day..." the intensity of the contraction will seem unbearable.
And this is where I am. I lost focus of the prize and the Prize Giver. I have gone from hopeful and trusting to discouraged and failing. I had an awful headache on Thursday following a totally disappointing day on Wednesday, in the midst of a week of tooth pain (I am wisdom-teething), all the while trying to keep it all together without my husband. I am not sure exactly when, but I quit accepting God's grace for each moment and started to place my hope and confidence in tomorrow.
A wise friend reminded me, not so long ago, that "a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again." Prov. 24:16 The falling I am having, the getting up, not so much. Thankfully, God is merciful. Not trusting wholly in God is sin. He is gracious and forgiving. He remembers that we are but dust. He'll forget this transgression and clothe me with Christ's righteousness, once again. I know that He will pick me up, and that because of this "forgetting to trust" that I have done, I will probably (hopefully) stay a little closer to Him.
We are precious to our Maker. We are like silver in the hands of a Master Smith. He holds his silver and although we start out looking like nothing precious, the Master Smith sees the preciousness inside. We are precious because he has called us precious. He uses the fire to bring out the dross, which He skims away with skillful hands. The process may be painful to us, but it is necessary. The goal of the Master is that, in time, he will look into the crucible and see the refined silver. He will peer into this beloved silver without dross and impurities, only to behold His own reflection! This is sanctification. This is glorifying to God.
God makes and uses the fires at hand. (Sometimes I spark, and kindle, and throw in the logs all by myself.) I am not sure whether I feel like Jonah or Job. Jonah was running and Job seemed to just be minding his own business. Either way, the answer and the remedy is the same. A submitted, pure heart before the Lord. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:17
Lord, let my heart be right before you. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for allowing me to see your goodness and your blessings even when I am not seeking you first. Thank you for a darling husband and a bounty of olive branches. I don't deserve any of it. May you be glorified and someday may your reflection be seen in me and in us.
Dear friends, please pray for me. Tomorrow (Tuesday) I'll have my wisdom teeth pulled. I will have a local anesthesia and because I am nursing Gabriel, I will be unable to take anything to deal with anxiety (no Valium). Maybe I'll think of it like a contraction... God bless, good night.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
There are good churches in Germany, regrets - and the band plays on!
Today I went to church off post with a another Christian I met while coming to Baumholder. It was very refreshing to be in the presence of other believers. I did go to chapel on post last Sunday but I'll reserve more mention of that to private conversations or emails. We arrived at Trinity Baptist Church at about 9:50 which was five minutes late (I guess some things don't change that easily). On the way, my friend McCarty informed me that the building the church is located in was a German brothel. It really warmed my heart to hear that God has taken another den of iniquity and claimed it for righteousness!
Anyway, we jumped right into the Sunday school class where we disected some of the sermon on the mount. The speaker, Dan, was very knowledgeable and well prepared for the lesson. The ten or so in the group also had good feedback and overall I thought the Sunday school was good. That lasted until about 10:30 when we stopped to prepare for the sermon at 11:00. During the break I went around to meet other people from the group and others that had walked in the door.
The service started with prayer, a reading and worship songs. The worship team consisted of a drummer, bass player, pianist and two singers (one of whom plays the flute too). They did a tremendous job of leading the music while the congregation sang with enthusiam. I should mention that I may have suffered some hearing damage though. I think the guy playing bass may have had his volume and the amp volume maxed out. As a former sound room guy it was hard to take, but I decided to sing with joy while the band played on. There were a few breaks during singing for prayer, bible readings and a children's minisermon(sp?). Then the fill in pastor came up and started the sermon. He read about three verses from Psalm 23 and then took one word from that reading to create a twenty minute message. I was a little shocked and had anticipate having a tad bit more biblical reference for the message but overall the fellow did a good job.
After church a nice young couple invited me and McCarthy to the food court on post to eat lunch which was nice since they had a vehicle to ride in (we took a cab to church at 7.50 euro (or about $10.00). This couple, Jason and Erin, married in June but have known each other since they were seven years old. They were both homeschooled and seem like they came from solid, believing homes. They hope to have children after Jason gets out of the military in two years. The fellowship with them, McCarthy and another soldier, Jonathan, was great. I should mention that McCarthy is a nice young man that has been married about a year and they have a newborn baby. He is hoping to have is wife come soon and will even fly her here for Thanksgiving to visit if she hasn't been able to move on the military's (taxpayer's) dime. The other fella, Jonathan, I didn't get to know as well but he seems like a nice fella that may be getting chaptered out the military for medical reasons.
While I was walking back to my barracks after lunch I ran into Dan and his family. Dan has been in the Airforce for the last fifteen years, is married and has six older children that are homeschooled. He seems like a solid believer and I was thankful that I got to see him again. His wife, Elizabeth, mentioned that Dan has never been deployed or gone from his family for about more than two months! At this point I'm wondering if God would do that for me. After talking for a few minutes I could tell that Dan and his family were longing for their ciesta and I let them go so I could grab my laptop, go to the bowling alley that also has wifi access and write this!
The military life is very, very hard on families. Many married people are sending their spouses back to the states in anticipation of the deployment in March 2008. That puts Sunshine and I in a tough position since it seems like she may not be here until December which is when my unit is scheduled to be in the field for a month. We're also scheduled to be gone the month of November, back for Thanksgiving and then gone again. Feasibly, that gives me three months (but not really since we'll be very busy during that time with deployment preparation) to spend with my family if I get sent on the deployment. Ultimately, I'm hoping to get deferred from the deployment or chaptered out of the Army has a hardship. I would really like to complete my enlistment but the toll of my family would be extremely difficult. I'm praying that they Army would see me and my family as an overall detirment to military service. However, I'm trying to trust God and his plans in this difficult time.
I know that only three short weeks ago I was touting the benefits of being in the Army. True, there are many benefits but the cost to a married man with children is so great and in my opinion that cost is too high. The attitude of many of the married nonChristians with children is "I miss my family but this is what I've got to do". Still others have been happy to leave their children with other family with the thought that they couldn't raise them anyway. In the military at large there is rampant immorality, drinking, adultry, fornication, foul language and lack of regard for God. I don't suppose that I should expect more since most folks here aren't regenerate (born again). It is a very tough environment to live in. At this point my general encouragment to any married man with children is to not go in the military. I suppose that many of you could say "I told you so" and that is ok. I'm sorry that I scorned so much good wisdom. Unfortunately, my family and my wife especially is paying the price. I'm sorry Sunshine. I've repented before the Lord and still continue to do so. I know that doesn't mean I have an automatic ticket to fix all my woes but on the other hand I know that God can do that too. I realize that God may well have called me here to do something but I'm having a hard time seeing what it is at this point... especially when I take my family into consideration.
And the band plays on...
Anyway, we jumped right into the Sunday school class where we disected some of the sermon on the mount. The speaker, Dan, was very knowledgeable and well prepared for the lesson. The ten or so in the group also had good feedback and overall I thought the Sunday school was good. That lasted until about 10:30 when we stopped to prepare for the sermon at 11:00. During the break I went around to meet other people from the group and others that had walked in the door.
The service started with prayer, a reading and worship songs. The worship team consisted of a drummer, bass player, pianist and two singers (one of whom plays the flute too). They did a tremendous job of leading the music while the congregation sang with enthusiam. I should mention that I may have suffered some hearing damage though. I think the guy playing bass may have had his volume and the amp volume maxed out. As a former sound room guy it was hard to take, but I decided to sing with joy while the band played on. There were a few breaks during singing for prayer, bible readings and a children's minisermon(sp?). Then the fill in pastor came up and started the sermon. He read about three verses from Psalm 23 and then took one word from that reading to create a twenty minute message. I was a little shocked and had anticipate having a tad bit more biblical reference for the message but overall the fellow did a good job.
After church a nice young couple invited me and McCarthy to the food court on post to eat lunch which was nice since they had a vehicle to ride in (we took a cab to church at 7.50 euro (or about $10.00). This couple, Jason and Erin, married in June but have known each other since they were seven years old. They were both homeschooled and seem like they came from solid, believing homes. They hope to have children after Jason gets out of the military in two years. The fellowship with them, McCarthy and another soldier, Jonathan, was great. I should mention that McCarthy is a nice young man that has been married about a year and they have a newborn baby. He is hoping to have is wife come soon and will even fly her here for Thanksgiving to visit if she hasn't been able to move on the military's (taxpayer's) dime. The other fella, Jonathan, I didn't get to know as well but he seems like a nice fella that may be getting chaptered out the military for medical reasons.
While I was walking back to my barracks after lunch I ran into Dan and his family. Dan has been in the Airforce for the last fifteen years, is married and has six older children that are homeschooled. He seems like a solid believer and I was thankful that I got to see him again. His wife, Elizabeth, mentioned that Dan has never been deployed or gone from his family for about more than two months! At this point I'm wondering if God would do that for me. After talking for a few minutes I could tell that Dan and his family were longing for their ciesta and I let them go so I could grab my laptop, go to the bowling alley that also has wifi access and write this!
The military life is very, very hard on families. Many married people are sending their spouses back to the states in anticipation of the deployment in March 2008. That puts Sunshine and I in a tough position since it seems like she may not be here until December which is when my unit is scheduled to be in the field for a month. We're also scheduled to be gone the month of November, back for Thanksgiving and then gone again. Feasibly, that gives me three months (but not really since we'll be very busy during that time with deployment preparation) to spend with my family if I get sent on the deployment. Ultimately, I'm hoping to get deferred from the deployment or chaptered out of the Army has a hardship. I would really like to complete my enlistment but the toll of my family would be extremely difficult. I'm praying that they Army would see me and my family as an overall detirment to military service. However, I'm trying to trust God and his plans in this difficult time.
I know that only three short weeks ago I was touting the benefits of being in the Army. True, there are many benefits but the cost to a married man with children is so great and in my opinion that cost is too high. The attitude of many of the married nonChristians with children is "I miss my family but this is what I've got to do". Still others have been happy to leave their children with other family with the thought that they couldn't raise them anyway. In the military at large there is rampant immorality, drinking, adultry, fornication, foul language and lack of regard for God. I don't suppose that I should expect more since most folks here aren't regenerate (born again). It is a very tough environment to live in. At this point my general encouragment to any married man with children is to not go in the military. I suppose that many of you could say "I told you so" and that is ok. I'm sorry that I scorned so much good wisdom. Unfortunately, my family and my wife especially is paying the price. I'm sorry Sunshine. I've repented before the Lord and still continue to do so. I know that doesn't mean I have an automatic ticket to fix all my woes but on the other hand I know that God can do that too. I realize that God may well have called me here to do something but I'm having a hard time seeing what it is at this point... especially when I take my family into consideration.
And the band plays on...
Saturday, October 13, 2007
On the flip side
Not wanting to get the award for the most depressing blog on the net, I thought that today we'd hit some of the lighter moments...
Gabey is looking as if he is wanting to get somewhere. He loves tummy-time and he has just started putting his legs underneath himself. He can get into a crawling position all on his own. Thankfully, he hasn't added any forward momentum to his new trick. Mom is just not ready for that yet.
Gid the Kid is a blast to observe. He really watches to see what the other kids are doing, and takes his cues from them. When everyone is doing what they should, this works great. He'll hang close to the group, and I watched him go sit down (at the door) by the other kids who were ready and waiting for mom's cue to head outside and load up into the van. This is great. Later, when we were leaving, Michaelyn accidentally tripped and scraped her knee. Gideon, who was near by, dropped to the ground in a like manner and mimicked her cry of pain. It took a minute to convince him that he was OK.
Lilija is very smart. She observes what the other girls are doing and tries to follow suit. At least, when it is her idea to do so. Today, the children took turns talking to Daddy. Michaelyn talked first. I watched as she walked an imaginary path around the living room while she chatted with Michael. She asked questions like, "do you have our house yet? what will it look like?" Chloe took the next turn on the phone. I smiled as I watched her walk and chat in a similar pattern. She even asked the same questions. Lily took the cake! She was trying so hard to "walk" when it was her turn on the phone, that she nearly neglected to talk. When she did ask her questions, I overheard one in particular. "Daddy, will we live with you?" What a pumpkin.
Levi is quite the little guy. We have been working on table manners at home. These all seem lost on him. He can't figure out why we would pass something through two or three peoplet to get it to him. He is content to climb on top of the table to get it. But, he loves to know the rules. If I ask him, he can even tell me which rule he has violated. "Levi, are you supposed to climb on the table." "No." "Levi, what are our table rules?" This is where he gets specific. "Rule number one, stay seated. Ask to have something passed." I am waiting for the connection to be made in his sweet little head. I hope it will happen before he is married.
Chloe got a special treat today. I was so blessed by her persistence in completing her chores that I set a little peppermint patty on the counter for her. I said, "Chloe, you have done such a good job, I want to give you this treat. When you are finished putting the silverware away, you can eat it. Eat it here in the kitchen and please don't tell the other kid's about it." A few minutes later, Chloe brings her little treat out of the kitchen and finds me (other little people all around) and says (with the help of an amplifier I think) "Mommy, is this candy for me?" I don't think that she heard a word I said in the kitchen after "I want to give you this treat..."
Michaelyn has learned to be a little more discrete, at least about special candy treats. She is really learning about the "unsaid things" that happen around us everyday. She just hasn't learned not to say them. When Michael and I spell things to one another, Michaelyn likes to figure out what we said. Usually, we are not spelling to keep things from her specifically, so it is Ok that she knows. However, she just doesn't want to know, she wants us to know that she knows. Many a surprise trip to the z-o-o and the d-a-i-r-y-q-u-e-e-n have been tipped off by a very excited new speller. Recently, she is trying something new. She still wants me to know that she knows, but she is trying to keep her news confirmations to a whisper and animated sign language (a language that only she can understand).
Sorry no pictures. I hope you can understand, my tech guru is in Germany. Frankly, this is the most time that I have spent on the internet in years. God bless your homes with joy and laughter.
Gabey is looking as if he is wanting to get somewhere. He loves tummy-time and he has just started putting his legs underneath himself. He can get into a crawling position all on his own. Thankfully, he hasn't added any forward momentum to his new trick. Mom is just not ready for that yet.
Gid the Kid is a blast to observe. He really watches to see what the other kids are doing, and takes his cues from them. When everyone is doing what they should, this works great. He'll hang close to the group, and I watched him go sit down (at the door) by the other kids who were ready and waiting for mom's cue to head outside and load up into the van. This is great. Later, when we were leaving, Michaelyn accidentally tripped and scraped her knee. Gideon, who was near by, dropped to the ground in a like manner and mimicked her cry of pain. It took a minute to convince him that he was OK.
Lilija is very smart. She observes what the other girls are doing and tries to follow suit. At least, when it is her idea to do so. Today, the children took turns talking to Daddy. Michaelyn talked first. I watched as she walked an imaginary path around the living room while she chatted with Michael. She asked questions like, "do you have our house yet? what will it look like?" Chloe took the next turn on the phone. I smiled as I watched her walk and chat in a similar pattern. She even asked the same questions. Lily took the cake! She was trying so hard to "walk" when it was her turn on the phone, that she nearly neglected to talk. When she did ask her questions, I overheard one in particular. "Daddy, will we live with you?" What a pumpkin.
Levi is quite the little guy. We have been working on table manners at home. These all seem lost on him. He can't figure out why we would pass something through two or three peoplet to get it to him. He is content to climb on top of the table to get it. But, he loves to know the rules. If I ask him, he can even tell me which rule he has violated. "Levi, are you supposed to climb on the table." "No." "Levi, what are our table rules?" This is where he gets specific. "Rule number one, stay seated. Ask to have something passed." I am waiting for the connection to be made in his sweet little head. I hope it will happen before he is married.
Chloe got a special treat today. I was so blessed by her persistence in completing her chores that I set a little peppermint patty on the counter for her. I said, "Chloe, you have done such a good job, I want to give you this treat. When you are finished putting the silverware away, you can eat it. Eat it here in the kitchen and please don't tell the other kid's about it." A few minutes later, Chloe brings her little treat out of the kitchen and finds me (other little people all around) and says (with the help of an amplifier I think) "Mommy, is this candy for me?" I don't think that she heard a word I said in the kitchen after "I want to give you this treat..."
Michaelyn has learned to be a little more discrete, at least about special candy treats. She is really learning about the "unsaid things" that happen around us everyday. She just hasn't learned not to say them. When Michael and I spell things to one another, Michaelyn likes to figure out what we said. Usually, we are not spelling to keep things from her specifically, so it is Ok that she knows. However, she just doesn't want to know, she wants us to know that she knows. Many a surprise trip to the z-o-o and the d-a-i-r-y-q-u-e-e-n have been tipped off by a very excited new speller. Recently, she is trying something new. She still wants me to know that she knows, but she is trying to keep her news confirmations to a whisper and animated sign language (a language that only she can understand).
Sorry no pictures. I hope you can understand, my tech guru is in Germany. Frankly, this is the most time that I have spent on the internet in years. God bless your homes with joy and laughter.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Cell phones, a modern-day marvel
As cold water to a weary soul, So is good news from a far country. Proverbs 25:25
When the phone rang at 6:00am pst, I reluctantly answered. Michael had called an I wanted to talk with him more than anything. However, my excitement was severely overshadowed by the throbbing pain in my head. Michael sounded chipper! I was blessed to hear the joy in his voice. He said he had good news, but he would tell me later as he could hear that I was very tired. I told him that my outlook for my headache was bleak, and that some good news could help me.
I think that God really wanted me to get off my feet for the day. At one minute, amidst a tremendous amount of pain, I found myself more impressed with Job than I had ever been. Here, I was hoping for a cranial amputation to relieve my pain and was feeling quite sorry for myself. However, Job had lost so much more that I, and he said, "Though He slay me, yet I will praise him." So, if Job could do it, I gave it a shot. "I hurt, but God you are good." Like Job, I didn't have instant relief. But I am feeling better, and my faith still remains in God alone.
I am thankful for the very expensive phone calls that our cell phones have enabled us (Michael and I) to have. We are still looking for a remedy for the expensive part. Ouch, it'll be quite a phone bill. "It hurts, and God, I know that you are good."
When the phone rang at 6:00am pst, I reluctantly answered. Michael had called an I wanted to talk with him more than anything. However, my excitement was severely overshadowed by the throbbing pain in my head. Michael sounded chipper! I was blessed to hear the joy in his voice. He said he had good news, but he would tell me later as he could hear that I was very tired. I told him that my outlook for my headache was bleak, and that some good news could help me.
- First good news: It is a possibility that Michael may be not be deployed in March. I am not sure how this happens, some sort of request for a deferral. We'll see what God will do!
- Second good news: Michael may be able to be approved for leave to come home for a week or so. It would be so amazing to see him. I would also love to be able to work along side him to take care of things here.
I think that God really wanted me to get off my feet for the day. At one minute, amidst a tremendous amount of pain, I found myself more impressed with Job than I had ever been. Here, I was hoping for a cranial amputation to relieve my pain and was feeling quite sorry for myself. However, Job had lost so much more that I, and he said, "Though He slay me, yet I will praise him." So, if Job could do it, I gave it a shot. "I hurt, but God you are good." Like Job, I didn't have instant relief. But I am feeling better, and my faith still remains in God alone.
I am thankful for the very expensive phone calls that our cell phones have enabled us (Michael and I) to have. We are still looking for a remedy for the expensive part. Ouch, it'll be quite a phone bill. "It hurts, and God, I know that you are good."
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
No room at the inn
I'm not sure how it came up in the converstion. I was on the phone with Michael today as he told me that he was needing to address his leadership (there in Germany) regarding some issues of concern. I listed intently, as intently as I could while driving, while Michael explained those issues in a very thoughtfully written letter. So, as I listened, I heard that there is no acceptable housing for us at Baumholder.
This is a little disappointing to me for at least two reasons:
They get to Bethlem, tired and heavy with child. It must have seemed that God had not provided for them. No room. No vacancy. No light left on for you. No Motel 6. And then finally, "well, you could stay in the barn, with the animals." And so it was, our savior was born in the most humble and lowly of circumstances. God always provides for his children.
I know that things may not turn out the way that I have planned them in my mind. Many times, God has planned better for me than I have for myself. Let the cry of Jesus' heart be my own. "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done." Luke 22
This is a little disappointing to me for at least two reasons:
- I was really hoping to live on post. I would be with other english-speaking persons. The electrical wiring would be 110 like in the US (Europe is wired 220)
- This seemed like a much more simple option than searching off post for something that we could afford.
They get to Bethlem, tired and heavy with child. It must have seemed that God had not provided for them. No room. No vacancy. No light left on for you. No Motel 6. And then finally, "well, you could stay in the barn, with the animals." And so it was, our savior was born in the most humble and lowly of circumstances. God always provides for his children.
I know that things may not turn out the way that I have planned them in my mind. Many times, God has planned better for me than I have for myself. Let the cry of Jesus' heart be my own. "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done." Luke 22
Sunday, October 7, 2007
"What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger"
Michael enlightened me to this truth somewhere near 12 years ago. I am not sure what I did or said to prompt that response. I do remember the phrase though (at least I think that I quoted it correctly). I think that I tried to argue with him about the veracity of such a statement (I used to argue quite a lot). I probably was hoping for a pity-party, at the time, and didn't appreciate the lack of "feeling" in his tone. Like many phrases, this one was coined in the military.
To tell you the truth, I don't know whether I agree or disagree with the statement. It has offered me some encouragement today. I don't feel very well. I am having problem with one of my wisdom teeth. I am teething. And yes, this is why I am so wise. None the less, I am popping ibuprofen to keep the edge off and try not to be so grumpy.
The list of "things to do" at home just keeps getting longer and more confusing. When I asked the recruiter, just after Michael enlisted, about passports he assured me that the "Army would take care of it." I pictured 6 agreeable smiling for photos and then I would be handed 6 shiney passports for the children by a pleasant looking woman in ACU's. What neither the recruiter or I knew however was that this, getting of the passports, would require a durable power of attorney and the children and I loading up in the van for a quick drive to Ft. Lewis, some 3 hours away. I am not really looking forward to that.
Meanwhile we are trying to sort out options:
Shortly after arriving at the base in Baumholder, Germany, Michael was told that the unit that he is assigned to will be deploying in March. If the little ones and I arrive in Germany at end of October, we will be with Michael for about 4 months.
So, as His servant, I say with trembling (in my flesh) and absolute resolve (in my spirit), "God, you bought me with a price. I am no longer my own. Be glorified in my life. Change, rearrange, cleanse, purify, guide, correct, lead, use, shape, and sanctify me. Do those hard things for me that I currently imperfectly attempt to do with the children that you have given me. You are my loving father. My trust is wholly and only in You. To trust in anyone or anything else is idolatry. Please protect me from the evil one and all of his accusations and deceptions. Please heal my aching heart, my sore mouth, and my weary mind. You are my all in all."
Michael, I trust God and I beleive in you. Where you go, I go (at least where ever I can go). Your God is my God and your little people are my little people. I can't wait to see you.
Love to all, flesh and friend alike,
Sunshine
To tell you the truth, I don't know whether I agree or disagree with the statement. It has offered me some encouragement today. I don't feel very well. I am having problem with one of my wisdom teeth. I am teething. And yes, this is why I am so wise. None the less, I am popping ibuprofen to keep the edge off and try not to be so grumpy.
The list of "things to do" at home just keeps getting longer and more confusing. When I asked the recruiter, just after Michael enlisted, about passports he assured me that the "Army would take care of it." I pictured 6 agreeable smiling for photos and then I would be handed 6 shiney passports for the children by a pleasant looking woman in ACU's. What neither the recruiter or I knew however was that this, getting of the passports, would require a durable power of attorney and the children and I loading up in the van for a quick drive to Ft. Lewis, some 3 hours away. I am not really looking forward to that.
Meanwhile we are trying to sort out options:
Shortly after arriving at the base in Baumholder, Germany, Michael was told that the unit that he is assigned to will be deploying in March. If the little ones and I arrive in Germany at end of October, we will be with Michael for about 4 months.
- should we sell the house and move to Germany (staying there while he is in the sand box)?
- should we fly ourselves and very few necessities and then return home for the deployment?
- will he, by God's intervention, stay on in Germany during the rest of the units deployment as a part of the rear detachment?
- how long can we or should we wait to make these decisions?
So, as His servant, I say with trembling (in my flesh) and absolute resolve (in my spirit), "God, you bought me with a price. I am no longer my own. Be glorified in my life. Change, rearrange, cleanse, purify, guide, correct, lead, use, shape, and sanctify me. Do those hard things for me that I currently imperfectly attempt to do with the children that you have given me. You are my loving father. My trust is wholly and only in You. To trust in anyone or anything else is idolatry. Please protect me from the evil one and all of his accusations and deceptions. Please heal my aching heart, my sore mouth, and my weary mind. You are my all in all."
Michael, I trust God and I beleive in you. Where you go, I go (at least where ever I can go). Your God is my God and your little people are my little people. I can't wait to see you.
Love to all, flesh and friend alike,
Sunshine
Thursday, October 4, 2007
A few answers and still more questions
I talked to Michael before he boarded for his flight to Frankfurt. He mentioned to me that he usually really enjoys flying but he was feeling a little uneasy this time. "I just think that I would feel better if I was the one flying the plane," he confessed. After I laughed a minute, I mentioned that I thought that was ridiculous. He concluded that the pilot was probably the best person to operate the giant jet.
I am not quite sure why we (you and I and all of us) get to believing that things would be better if we were in complete control. We believe that we should be behind the controls, the pilot, as it were. I mused to myself, after talking to Michael, that it was freeing to let the right guy do the driving. And now, alone and lonely and hurting in my heart, I find myself wishing just that.
I received a text message from Michael today. Will be stationed in baumholder. I didn't know where Baumholder was so I asked Tina to Google it for me. She said it was in Germany. She read me some other info from the website, but I didn't hear anything else. Now I had a name and an answer to a question. I had been waiting a while to find out, it felt like I had waited so long.
The next time that I talked to Michael, it was distressing. Alone and lonely in a place so far away. Some answers, none of them seem very good at all. I am sure that he was in a certain amount of shock. Maybe he will get into more detail on a different posting. The other answer, that is currently of great concern to my heart, goes like this. "The First Sergeant said that the unit will be deployed in March (of 08)." One answer, many more questions...
It is at this time that I find myself wishing that I was the pilot. I think, "If only I could chose what will happen next." At this minute, I find myself relating to the weak men of the bible. I want to run like Jonah. I want to sit in a heap on the floor and grieve like Job. I want to ignore God's word and His promises and weep bitterly like Peter. Well, sort of. That is what I feel like I want.
What I really want to do is totally abandon my will and my life to the One who bought me. I want to say, like Mary, "I am your servant, may it be done to me as you have said." I want my faith and my trust to be in God alone. More than that, I want to feel like wanting it.
I beleive that God has provided grace for this moment. God is good. He is faithful. He will never leave me or forsake me. In his book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them... I will say of the Lord "He is my refuge, my God in whom I trust."
On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand...
I am not quite sure why we (you and I and all of us) get to believing that things would be better if we were in complete control. We believe that we should be behind the controls, the pilot, as it were. I mused to myself, after talking to Michael, that it was freeing to let the right guy do the driving. And now, alone and lonely and hurting in my heart, I find myself wishing just that.
I received a text message from Michael today. Will be stationed in baumholder. I didn't know where Baumholder was so I asked Tina to Google it for me. She said it was in Germany. She read me some other info from the website, but I didn't hear anything else. Now I had a name and an answer to a question. I had been waiting a while to find out, it felt like I had waited so long.
The next time that I talked to Michael, it was distressing. Alone and lonely in a place so far away. Some answers, none of them seem very good at all. I am sure that he was in a certain amount of shock. Maybe he will get into more detail on a different posting. The other answer, that is currently of great concern to my heart, goes like this. "The First Sergeant said that the unit will be deployed in March (of 08)." One answer, many more questions...
- Is this true?
- Should we move everything and stay in alone Germany if Michael deploys?
- Do we stay here?
- Should we sell or rent the house?
- God, what do you want us to do?
It is at this time that I find myself wishing that I was the pilot. I think, "If only I could chose what will happen next." At this minute, I find myself relating to the weak men of the bible. I want to run like Jonah. I want to sit in a heap on the floor and grieve like Job. I want to ignore God's word and His promises and weep bitterly like Peter. Well, sort of. That is what I feel like I want.
What I really want to do is totally abandon my will and my life to the One who bought me. I want to say, like Mary, "I am your servant, may it be done to me as you have said." I want my faith and my trust to be in God alone. More than that, I want to feel like wanting it.
I beleive that God has provided grace for this moment. God is good. He is faithful. He will never leave me or forsake me. In his book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them... I will say of the Lord "He is my refuge, my God in whom I trust."
On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand...
In the Air
At this minute, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, Michael should be approaching his destination in Frankfurt, Germany. No, that is not where we are being stationed. All Army personnel, who will be serving in Europe, are received at this particular location. The good news is that we should find out soon. At the very least, we are one step closer to knowing for sure.
At this minute, some little house in Scappoose, baby Gabey is waking up for a feeding. I suppose that I should get to bed.
Thanks to Sharon, Mom and Denise for all of their help today on the home front.
God Bless to all
At this minute, some little house in Scappoose, baby Gabey is waking up for a feeding. I suppose that I should get to bed.
Thanks to Sharon, Mom and Denise for all of their help today on the home front.
God Bless to all
Monday, October 1, 2007
A little introduction to Army forms...
I know that Michael has a lot of experience with the vast volume of Army paperwork. I have seen some of this enormous tree-slaying tradition. I have viewed the occasional LES (pay statement), I recently saw a copy of his orders (wish I knew that acronym), but today was my real introduction.
In order for Michael to be able to have orders processed to send him to our duty station, all of the members of our family had to visit a doctor for a clean bill of health. I wondered if the Army would refuse us if we had a less than clean medical record. Michael assured me that they needed the information in order to ensure that we would be stationed at a base that would have the resources that we may need. (i.e. resources for Autistic children or special medical/mobility issues.) We have no such special needs. Thankfully, due to a very busy morning including a trip to the doctor and a multitude of emails and faxes, the Army now has this information too!
The best news of this whole affair is that Michael will be able to get orders (we'll find out where in Europe we will be stationed) and leave Ft. Jackson. This base in South Carolina is where new recruits (and old ones too) are received and trained. Michael doesn't need to attend basic training or AIT again, however, he is pretty limited in his activities. I think that "lights-out" is 21:00 est. Think bed time at 9:00pm.
Here on the home front. We are missing hubby/daddy quite a lot. Mommy is a little bit grumpy and edgy. I am really trying to settle my mind and heart a little bit. This settling requires lots of prayer. Most of the time, I only remember to pray when I am totally at my wit's end. God is gracious and He doesn't seem to hold it against me. He forgives me when I fail and gives me a blessing of energy and grace that I do not deserve. I am still pondering and meditating on my need to "trade yokes."
Please pray for:
Michael to rececive orders soon, for a favorable working situation allowing Michael to freely worship God and share his faith with others. We are praying that he will be such a blessing to his superiors that they will trust him and give glory to God (Joseph, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego...) Also, good traveling and a quick preparation for us to follow and be with him.
Sunshine to "give instruction with kindness" as the famed Proverbs 31 wife. Also that I will have extra compassion and discernment in dealing with children who are moving far away and missing daddy. That I will "take the bull by the horns" and tackle the many issues at home to prepare for home sale, big move, and other administrative type issues.
Children to have wisdom and understanding of the difficult things that are going on. God's grace for them to grow in character and rise to this challenge. I know that God has a plan for them at this time too.
Special thanks today: Vivian for Grandma services at the doctors office and at home. LeAnna for getting kids dressed and ready to go. Tanya for moral support and willingness to help with whatever we needed. We are truly blessed!
In order for Michael to be able to have orders processed to send him to our duty station, all of the members of our family had to visit a doctor for a clean bill of health. I wondered if the Army would refuse us if we had a less than clean medical record. Michael assured me that they needed the information in order to ensure that we would be stationed at a base that would have the resources that we may need. (i.e. resources for Autistic children or special medical/mobility issues.) We have no such special needs. Thankfully, due to a very busy morning including a trip to the doctor and a multitude of emails and faxes, the Army now has this information too!
The best news of this whole affair is that Michael will be able to get orders (we'll find out where in Europe we will be stationed) and leave Ft. Jackson. This base in South Carolina is where new recruits (and old ones too) are received and trained. Michael doesn't need to attend basic training or AIT again, however, he is pretty limited in his activities. I think that "lights-out" is 21:00 est. Think bed time at 9:00pm.
Here on the home front. We are missing hubby/daddy quite a lot. Mommy is a little bit grumpy and edgy. I am really trying to settle my mind and heart a little bit. This settling requires lots of prayer. Most of the time, I only remember to pray when I am totally at my wit's end. God is gracious and He doesn't seem to hold it against me. He forgives me when I fail and gives me a blessing of energy and grace that I do not deserve. I am still pondering and meditating on my need to "trade yokes."
Please pray for:
Michael to rececive orders soon, for a favorable working situation allowing Michael to freely worship God and share his faith with others. We are praying that he will be such a blessing to his superiors that they will trust him and give glory to God (Joseph, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego...) Also, good traveling and a quick preparation for us to follow and be with him.
Sunshine to "give instruction with kindness" as the famed Proverbs 31 wife. Also that I will have extra compassion and discernment in dealing with children who are moving far away and missing daddy. That I will "take the bull by the horns" and tackle the many issues at home to prepare for home sale, big move, and other administrative type issues.
Children to have wisdom and understanding of the difficult things that are going on. God's grace for them to grow in character and rise to this challenge. I know that God has a plan for them at this time too.
Special thanks today: Vivian for Grandma services at the doctors office and at home. LeAnna for getting kids dressed and ready to go. Tanya for moral support and willingness to help with whatever we needed. We are truly blessed!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Trading Yokes
My best friend is 3000 miles away. There will soon be many more miles between us. There is so much that needs to be done. What I need is a little perspective...
In Matthew 18 Jesus says: "Come to me all you who are weak and heavy-laden, and I shall give you rest. Take my joke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek of heart, and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
God is faithful, nothing is too far for him. I am not sure how He will get us through this exciting and very difficult time, but He will, just the same.
Michael, I miss you. Your sweet children miss you. We know that we are missed as well. We are counting down the days until we meet again. (And praise God, all this work at home will be behind us.) Europe, here we come.
In Matthew 18 Jesus says: "Come to me all you who are weak and heavy-laden, and I shall give you rest. Take my joke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek of heart, and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
God is faithful, nothing is too far for him. I am not sure how He will get us through this exciting and very difficult time, but He will, just the same.
Michael, I miss you. Your sweet children miss you. We know that we are missed as well. We are counting down the days until we meet again. (And praise God, all this work at home will be behind us.) Europe, here we come.
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