On Tuesday, I had my four wisdom teeth pulled. I was a little disappointed to find out that I was unable to take the tranquilizer (Valium) because I am nursing Baby Gabey. It would have been nice to lie back in the chair and not care that I was having teeth extracted. Alas, this was not to be so. When Dr A. gave me the Novocaine injections, I told him that my cheek felt puffy. He said I just "felt" puffy, but I looked fine. He even offered me a hand mirror to reassure me. As I looked I saw that I was in fact puffy. My left cheek had a noticeable bulge near my jaw bone. Dr. A told me that it could be a clogged saliva gland, or a hemangoma ?sp. (that is a big word for ugly bruise). It turned out to be the latter.
Only one of my teeth gave the good dentist much trouble. I can still feel the memory of this particular tooth even now. I expect that I will keep improving and the painful memory of the tooth shall fade. I really hope so. For now, I am thankful to have prescription pain medications to ease my discomfort. Now, as for the discomfort in my heart...
The truth of my husband's whereabouts is really beginning to sink in. I trust that God can reunite us soon. Until then, I am struggling to accept the fact that, today, I cannot see my husband. Today, he cannot come home. Today, my children will get tucked into bed by Mommy. Today, Daddy cannot kiss them. Today, he cannot hold me. Tomorrow, we will carry on without him, with very heavy hearts. All of the foreseeable tomorrows look the same.
Maybe you say... "But you signed up for this. " I say, you are right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Perhaps you reply... "You knew this could happen." I reply, I could scarcely imagine a shadow of it in my mind, but I never realized how sharp and clear it would feel. Suppose you question... "Where is your faith, don't you trust God." I question, surely didn't even our Savior, when facing His glorification, pray to His Father, "Let this cup be taken from me, not my will but yours be done?" Sorrowfully, you implore... "Didn't we try to warn you." I say, surely you did, and we thank you. Thank you for caring, as true friends do. We really did try to seek God's plan. Even if this whole this was done in deafness to God's voice, He still sovereignly allowed it. Please forgive us any hurt or pain this has caused you.
Lord, it is our prayer, that you would take this cup from us. Please spare us this struggle. Lord, please forgive any presumption. This is not the situation that we dreamed it would be. Lord, forgive me for looking at this difficulty and assuming that because it is so hard, that we have acted out of your leading. Perhaps we are exactly where you desired for us to go. God, that is something that I cannot know. Please answer the cries of our heart. Please open our eyes and ears, and show and speak to us your wisdom. Father, I ask for your peace. My petition is for a quick reunion of our family. Thank you for showing us your love that, as a family, we might love one another.
Dear friends, this has been posted by Sunshine. These are my thoughts and my cries. I believe that Michael and I are united in these things. I offer this disclaimer in the event that we may differ. Michael, I offer this for your approval and confirmation.
God bless us, everyone. - Tiny Tim
5 comments:
I agree hon!
Dearest Sunshine and Michael
Our hearts go out to you - we have been praying the Psalms for you, particularly Ps 40. May God grant you faith abundant enough to endure this trial and a sweet reunion soon.
much love in Christ,
Jens and Bronwyn
Love you, Sunshine!!!! I just found your blog, and I can't wait to read it ALL! But for now, I'm off to take 4 kids to an acquaintance's for pizza... should be challenging, delicious, and hopefully not too lactose-intollerantish!
Sunshine, Michael...
God has a plan!!!! It is a mantra that myself and my family has really caught onto, the promise from the Lord that he has a plan, a plan to prosper you, to hold you... hang onto that promise. I think of all the loved ones I have lost in the last 7 years of my life; my dad, my two grandfathers, my cousin, my uncle, and now watching my husbands mom and aunt suffer with cancer. I have had all 3 of my siblings diagnosed with an incurable disease that has taken the lives of every single person that has it at a young age. I do not tell you this to have pity on me, I tell you that God does have a plan in everything, hang onto the BIG picture, hang onto the fact that he will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you, even in the midst of THIS. I have had my times of questioning the Lord, why do we have so much suffering? He is in control, whether you feel in control or not, he has a plan! We are human, we are weak, our flesh is screaming, Lord, where are you, what is the plan, what is the reason this is happening? Please, my friends, stop beating yourselves up, you have repented, HE has forgiven you sister and brother, you are seeking the Lord with all your heart so it will work out for his good, his will. He will be glorified in all of this, we can trust that, put our confidence in that.
Every day will be difficult... whether Michael comes home, whether you go there, whether he is discharged on a compassion discharge or the such, or whatever. This life is not easy. Sometimes there are burdens to bare. Sometimes there are these times of trials, deserts, when we feel like what else is going to happen, I cannot take anymore. You can, you will, with the Lord. And when we look back, you will see the growth and praise the LORD for it! I remember when Steve was deployed and I was watching my grandpa literally die each day... I felt like I couldn't handle it. I lost 10 pounds in one week at Christmas, I think I came close to a breakdown. I tell you this because, heck, we all have our times of falling, of landing on our faces, but the Lord picks us up in our hour of need, he peels us off the ground, and loads grace into us, a small amount, it is just enough to get us through until we cry out again, which could be the next hour or the next minute. We make it through though, he carries us. Remember the Footprints poem. He is carrying you right now Michael and Sunshine. He will carry you through this, he loves you and has a plan for you and your family. Keep saying that!
We are praying for peace in your home, that the children will sense this even, that you will feel the peace that passes all understanding. And it will feel like a great big hug from the Father, surrounding you with love and hope.
We love you and your family and are here for you, to help make this time easier, to help you carry on the best you can.
God bless... Sharrie and Steve
p.s. I am sorry this is so long, I just get going... I feel like the Spirit just keeps pushing these fingers. :)
I just wanted to say "thank you" for the encouragement from everyone.
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