Where no oxen are...

by Michael

"Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox" Proverbs 14:4

When you have children it is easy to become frustrated at the seemingly endless cycle of messes and cleanup. This is especially true as you start to have more children and the children are still relatively little. Sunshine and I (mostly Sunshine) spend a great deal of time each day just combating the little messes that rapidly morph into gigantic disaster zones. Sometimes I'm convinced that our home should be declared a federal disaster zone and that we should be eligible for FEMA relief! Wait a sec... do I really want the federal government involved? Ok, the answer is NO on that point.

In the spirit of truthfulness I'll confess that I get a vacation (meaning: work outside the home) for approximately 40 hours a week while Sunshine is the true heroine that is always on the frontlines. She faithfully oversees the troops and manages our AO or area of operations (home). It is all too easy for me to come home and see the most recent mess and improperly assume that it has been there all day long without realizing that it was probably made within the last 5 to 30 minutes. My assumptions regarding the "mess" are improper for so many reasons.

First, my improper assumptions imply that I don't really think my wife is faithful in managing our home and children. Of course, I am rarely cognizant of this implication but it is implied nonetheless. This thought is formulated into the cognizant when I either ask or think in my head "Hi honey. What have you been doing today?" That question can be very sincere and have genuine concern for Sunshine's day. However, when that question is proceeded by thoughts of "Why is the house [always so messy] or [messy right now], then my asking Sunshine how her day went is probably disinginous and a smokescreen for how I really think.

Second, I improperly assume that my children are liabilities instead of assets. I can also get frustrated at them and react instead of seeing the opportunity for training in righteousness. As I start to think of my children as liabilities it becomes a challenge for me to remember that my children are a blessing from God and not a punishment.

The third improper assumption (but probably not the last) is that a clean house is more important than simply having a house that can be made messy. For our family, having a house also means having children since that is what God has given us. I would do well to give more grace and love. Yes, the house does need to be cleaned and the children do need to be trained in stewardship for the glory of God, but how much relationship with Sunshine and the children am I willing to destroy for cleanliness by having improper assumptions and improper training. I am quite certain that at the end of my days I won't look back and long to have had a cleaner house. If I fall into the trap of placing clean over relationship I will indeed look back and long, but it won't be for the house, it will be for the relationships.

As I was reading Proverbs 14 this morning I came across the verse mentioned above. In the past, my Titus 2 wife has lovingly (as opposed to naggingly) used that verse to remind me that "Where no children are, the home is clean: but much strength, joy and blessing come from the strength and presence of the children." How true. I'm thankful for all of my little "oxen" and my Titus 2 wife that continues to love and serve me.

In Christ
Michael