I guess I should leave room for an "act of God" to alter these plans... It looks like, even now, God is acting especially for us! I just booked a flight for Michael to come home October 25. Praise God!
More to come later.
Sunshine
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Holding my breath
I cannot be sure yet. I don't think you can be sure of anything in the Army unless it has already happened. So I wait. I won't hold my breath. I have been warned against such things many times in my short life. So, what you ask, am I holding, or not holding, my breath for?
Michael may get to come home for leave. I am very hopeful. We still don't have our passports around here. We can't go to Germany without them. I am so excited that he may be home soon. I feel like a bride waiting for her wedding day! Remembering to breathe...
Got to get some sleep now, but I'll keep you posted (pun intended).
Putting my faith and my breath in the Lord,
Sunshine
Wow honey, hurry home! I can hardly wait to see you!
Michael may get to come home for leave. I am very hopeful. We still don't have our passports around here. We can't go to Germany without them. I am so excited that he may be home soon. I feel like a bride waiting for her wedding day! Remembering to breathe...
Got to get some sleep now, but I'll keep you posted (pun intended).
Putting my faith and my breath in the Lord,
Sunshine
Wow honey, hurry home! I can hardly wait to see you!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Feeling a little bruised
On Tuesday, I had my four wisdom teeth pulled. I was a little disappointed to find out that I was unable to take the tranquilizer (Valium) because I am nursing Baby Gabey. It would have been nice to lie back in the chair and not care that I was having teeth extracted. Alas, this was not to be so. When Dr A. gave me the Novocaine injections, I told him that my cheek felt puffy. He said I just "felt" puffy, but I looked fine. He even offered me a hand mirror to reassure me. As I looked I saw that I was in fact puffy. My left cheek had a noticeable bulge near my jaw bone. Dr. A told me that it could be a clogged saliva gland, or a hemangoma ?sp. (that is a big word for ugly bruise). It turned out to be the latter.
Only one of my teeth gave the good dentist much trouble. I can still feel the memory of this particular tooth even now. I expect that I will keep improving and the painful memory of the tooth shall fade. I really hope so. For now, I am thankful to have prescription pain medications to ease my discomfort. Now, as for the discomfort in my heart...
The truth of my husband's whereabouts is really beginning to sink in. I trust that God can reunite us soon. Until then, I am struggling to accept the fact that, today, I cannot see my husband. Today, he cannot come home. Today, my children will get tucked into bed by Mommy. Today, Daddy cannot kiss them. Today, he cannot hold me. Tomorrow, we will carry on without him, with very heavy hearts. All of the foreseeable tomorrows look the same.
Maybe you say... "But you signed up for this. " I say, you are right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Perhaps you reply... "You knew this could happen." I reply, I could scarcely imagine a shadow of it in my mind, but I never realized how sharp and clear it would feel. Suppose you question... "Where is your faith, don't you trust God." I question, surely didn't even our Savior, when facing His glorification, pray to His Father, "Let this cup be taken from me, not my will but yours be done?" Sorrowfully, you implore... "Didn't we try to warn you." I say, surely you did, and we thank you. Thank you for caring, as true friends do. We really did try to seek God's plan. Even if this whole this was done in deafness to God's voice, He still sovereignly allowed it. Please forgive us any hurt or pain this has caused you.
Lord, it is our prayer, that you would take this cup from us. Please spare us this struggle. Lord, please forgive any presumption. This is not the situation that we dreamed it would be. Lord, forgive me for looking at this difficulty and assuming that because it is so hard, that we have acted out of your leading. Perhaps we are exactly where you desired for us to go. God, that is something that I cannot know. Please answer the cries of our heart. Please open our eyes and ears, and show and speak to us your wisdom. Father, I ask for your peace. My petition is for a quick reunion of our family. Thank you for showing us your love that, as a family, we might love one another.
Dear friends, this has been posted by Sunshine. These are my thoughts and my cries. I believe that Michael and I are united in these things. I offer this disclaimer in the event that we may differ. Michael, I offer this for your approval and confirmation.
God bless us, everyone. - Tiny Tim
Only one of my teeth gave the good dentist much trouble. I can still feel the memory of this particular tooth even now. I expect that I will keep improving and the painful memory of the tooth shall fade. I really hope so. For now, I am thankful to have prescription pain medications to ease my discomfort. Now, as for the discomfort in my heart...
The truth of my husband's whereabouts is really beginning to sink in. I trust that God can reunite us soon. Until then, I am struggling to accept the fact that, today, I cannot see my husband. Today, he cannot come home. Today, my children will get tucked into bed by Mommy. Today, Daddy cannot kiss them. Today, he cannot hold me. Tomorrow, we will carry on without him, with very heavy hearts. All of the foreseeable tomorrows look the same.
Maybe you say... "But you signed up for this. " I say, you are right. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Perhaps you reply... "You knew this could happen." I reply, I could scarcely imagine a shadow of it in my mind, but I never realized how sharp and clear it would feel. Suppose you question... "Where is your faith, don't you trust God." I question, surely didn't even our Savior, when facing His glorification, pray to His Father, "Let this cup be taken from me, not my will but yours be done?" Sorrowfully, you implore... "Didn't we try to warn you." I say, surely you did, and we thank you. Thank you for caring, as true friends do. We really did try to seek God's plan. Even if this whole this was done in deafness to God's voice, He still sovereignly allowed it. Please forgive us any hurt or pain this has caused you.
Lord, it is our prayer, that you would take this cup from us. Please spare us this struggle. Lord, please forgive any presumption. This is not the situation that we dreamed it would be. Lord, forgive me for looking at this difficulty and assuming that because it is so hard, that we have acted out of your leading. Perhaps we are exactly where you desired for us to go. God, that is something that I cannot know. Please answer the cries of our heart. Please open our eyes and ears, and show and speak to us your wisdom. Father, I ask for your peace. My petition is for a quick reunion of our family. Thank you for showing us your love that, as a family, we might love one another.
Dear friends, this has been posted by Sunshine. These are my thoughts and my cries. I believe that Michael and I are united in these things. I offer this disclaimer in the event that we may differ. Michael, I offer this for your approval and confirmation.
God bless us, everyone. - Tiny Tim
Monday, October 15, 2007
Tired, down, pending 4 tooth extraction, is this a pity party?
It feels like I crashed. Maybe not crashed. More like lost my "edge." Don't get me wrong. Those of you who are closest would probably agree that I didn't have an "edge" to start with. Let me explain.
Sometime during labor (yes men, I mean having a baby) I start to get a little tired. I am not so jovial in between contractions. The mood seems to change. There is tension in the air and I get kind of quiet. Things have intensified and I know from experience that I have to stay focused. You see, I have realized that my pain tolerance is directly related to how I "feel" about the contraction. If I start the contraction thinking... "breath deeply, relax your body, this contraction won't last forever, all things work together for good, soon you'll get to see your baby..." the pain of that contraction doesn't seem so severe. On the other hand, if the previous contraction was particularly difficult, and as the next labor pain begins I think... "Oh no, not another one, I can't do this anymore, this is never going to stop, I'm done, maybe I'll do this another day..." the intensity of the contraction will seem unbearable.
And this is where I am. I lost focus of the prize and the Prize Giver. I have gone from hopeful and trusting to discouraged and failing. I had an awful headache on Thursday following a totally disappointing day on Wednesday, in the midst of a week of tooth pain (I am wisdom-teething), all the while trying to keep it all together without my husband. I am not sure exactly when, but I quit accepting God's grace for each moment and started to place my hope and confidence in tomorrow.
A wise friend reminded me, not so long ago, that "a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again." Prov. 24:16 The falling I am having, the getting up, not so much. Thankfully, God is merciful. Not trusting wholly in God is sin. He is gracious and forgiving. He remembers that we are but dust. He'll forget this transgression and clothe me with Christ's righteousness, once again. I know that He will pick me up, and that because of this "forgetting to trust" that I have done, I will probably (hopefully) stay a little closer to Him.
We are precious to our Maker. We are like silver in the hands of a Master Smith. He holds his silver and although we start out looking like nothing precious, the Master Smith sees the preciousness inside. We are precious because he has called us precious. He uses the fire to bring out the dross, which He skims away with skillful hands. The process may be painful to us, but it is necessary. The goal of the Master is that, in time, he will look into the crucible and see the refined silver. He will peer into this beloved silver without dross and impurities, only to behold His own reflection! This is sanctification. This is glorifying to God.
God makes and uses the fires at hand. (Sometimes I spark, and kindle, and throw in the logs all by myself.) I am not sure whether I feel like Jonah or Job. Jonah was running and Job seemed to just be minding his own business. Either way, the answer and the remedy is the same. A submitted, pure heart before the Lord. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:17
Lord, let my heart be right before you. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for allowing me to see your goodness and your blessings even when I am not seeking you first. Thank you for a darling husband and a bounty of olive branches. I don't deserve any of it. May you be glorified and someday may your reflection be seen in me and in us.
Dear friends, please pray for me. Tomorrow (Tuesday) I'll have my wisdom teeth pulled. I will have a local anesthesia and because I am nursing Gabriel, I will be unable to take anything to deal with anxiety (no Valium). Maybe I'll think of it like a contraction... God bless, good night.
Sometime during labor (yes men, I mean having a baby) I start to get a little tired. I am not so jovial in between contractions. The mood seems to change. There is tension in the air and I get kind of quiet. Things have intensified and I know from experience that I have to stay focused. You see, I have realized that my pain tolerance is directly related to how I "feel" about the contraction. If I start the contraction thinking... "breath deeply, relax your body, this contraction won't last forever, all things work together for good, soon you'll get to see your baby..." the pain of that contraction doesn't seem so severe. On the other hand, if the previous contraction was particularly difficult, and as the next labor pain begins I think... "Oh no, not another one, I can't do this anymore, this is never going to stop, I'm done, maybe I'll do this another day..." the intensity of the contraction will seem unbearable.
And this is where I am. I lost focus of the prize and the Prize Giver. I have gone from hopeful and trusting to discouraged and failing. I had an awful headache on Thursday following a totally disappointing day on Wednesday, in the midst of a week of tooth pain (I am wisdom-teething), all the while trying to keep it all together without my husband. I am not sure exactly when, but I quit accepting God's grace for each moment and started to place my hope and confidence in tomorrow.
A wise friend reminded me, not so long ago, that "a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again." Prov. 24:16 The falling I am having, the getting up, not so much. Thankfully, God is merciful. Not trusting wholly in God is sin. He is gracious and forgiving. He remembers that we are but dust. He'll forget this transgression and clothe me with Christ's righteousness, once again. I know that He will pick me up, and that because of this "forgetting to trust" that I have done, I will probably (hopefully) stay a little closer to Him.
We are precious to our Maker. We are like silver in the hands of a Master Smith. He holds his silver and although we start out looking like nothing precious, the Master Smith sees the preciousness inside. We are precious because he has called us precious. He uses the fire to bring out the dross, which He skims away with skillful hands. The process may be painful to us, but it is necessary. The goal of the Master is that, in time, he will look into the crucible and see the refined silver. He will peer into this beloved silver without dross and impurities, only to behold His own reflection! This is sanctification. This is glorifying to God.
God makes and uses the fires at hand. (Sometimes I spark, and kindle, and throw in the logs all by myself.) I am not sure whether I feel like Jonah or Job. Jonah was running and Job seemed to just be minding his own business. Either way, the answer and the remedy is the same. A submitted, pure heart before the Lord. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise." Psalm 51:17
Lord, let my heart be right before you. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for allowing me to see your goodness and your blessings even when I am not seeking you first. Thank you for a darling husband and a bounty of olive branches. I don't deserve any of it. May you be glorified and someday may your reflection be seen in me and in us.
Dear friends, please pray for me. Tomorrow (Tuesday) I'll have my wisdom teeth pulled. I will have a local anesthesia and because I am nursing Gabriel, I will be unable to take anything to deal with anxiety (no Valium). Maybe I'll think of it like a contraction... God bless, good night.
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